We teach the concept in the new video “An Imperfect Message.” It’s a deeply personal process, but it’s the foundation of being able to show up strong in a Crucial Conversation. Those best at Crucial Conversations regularly remind themselves of their capacity to secure their own safety and define their own worth, even while seeking the truth in tough feedback they receive. Other times it’s a struggle to hold onto your pen and stay anchored in your value amid a storm of negative feedback and opinions-especially when we believe that feedback threatens our safety and/or worth, two of our most fundamental psychological needs. Some days you feel in full possession of your pen no matter what is happening your personal security comes from an enduring sense of your innate worth and not from others’ opinions of you. Whoever holds your pen can compose the terms of your wellbeing. When you hold your pen, you get to author the terms of your story: is your worth intrinsic to you? Is it about how you look? Is it contingent on what you achieve or how many people admire you? What does this new term mean? Think of your “pen” as the power to define your worth. That’s when it’s time to retake your pen. On our worst days, we hear the feedback and melt down in hurt, shame, or anger. When someone brings a Crucial Conversation to us, we instinctively prepare to defend ourselves against the unknown, especially when the feedback is not delivered well. But as we looked at how to enhance the curriculum, we found a gap in how to improve people’s ability to hear hard things, no matter how those are delivered. For the last 30 years, we’ve taught skills like State My Path and Make It Safe to help learners share their meaning without provoking defensiveness. The importance of feedback isn’t new to Crucial Conversations. Among the new additions to our revamped Crucial Conversations for Mastering Dialogue course is a skill for receiving feedback we’ve dubbed “retaking your pen.” This skill-which has become THE key takeaway from the course for some learners-handles how to avoid letting negative or poorly delivered feedback upend your sense of self-worth.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. ArchivesCategories |